lonely lovely city

lonely lovely city

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Is he there yet?

Hello to all-

As a west coast transplant, I have been in New York City for ten years. In that time, I have met endless people, many of whom touched me with their emotions and lack of reactions- who entered and exited my life in various fashions. What always intrigues me is the connection that we form as humans. In a vast city so large where several don't even know the name of their neighbors, its difficult to feel connected and close. I want to change that. Officially, I have declared this a year of paramount transformation.

I am a 34 gay white male living in Brooklyn. In about one week, I am turning 35. And, within a few months, I am breaking my lease to move back to Manhattan, revitalizing social and romantic prospects without compromising values. I wait tables full-time at a restaurant as a waiter in the west village, in addition to attending school full-time at The New School in Manhattan. Additionally, I am also a writer, searching for a platform in the professional world. Surely, in between commitments, there has to be something or someone out there that can open the channels.

Call me jaded, but after faceless rejections and self-hatred dating back to adolescence, I resigned to the looming possibility of sustaining a real relationship in New York. I used to believe that moving to Connecticut could resolve the matter. But, I realized love is everywhere. The over-priced East Village, muscle ridden Chelsea, ambitious driven Midtown, hipster Brooklyn, and lastly, Staten Island.

My mission is how to access it and learn from the examples of friends who claim that it does exist; that I should stop analyzing and looking and just live. I want to explore if we are seeing the real thing right in front of us? Or is it just a facade to enliven one's own insecurities? My project will include these factors and the judgements we make of others.

More importantly, I will be taking steps to leave my comfort zone of self-proclaimed singledom and ask men on dates. I am not sure when or how, but it will happen. This is going to be an adventure into the unknown. Now that my mid thirties are here, there is no time like the present. To be continued...