lonely lovely city

lonely lovely city

Monday, March 29, 2010

The power of friendships

As a gay man, the dating rules are different. Consciousness of one's self-image is huge. On Avenue A and East 9th, I ran into a guy I dated for about a second, one that I secretly fancied. Calmly he said, "You know the reason why we never hooked up? Insecurity. You just didn't seem like you knew yourself very well. No offense."

He's right. I still don't.

One of the key aspects in cultivating a sucessful relationship with a potential suitor is friendship. I came across a website: http://thegaylovecoach.com/blog/ specifically slated for successful gay partnerships. It offers compelling advice and states friendship as the number one component before something substantial can develop. This is important as I lack strong gay friendships in my own life. If I were able to overcome the superficial boundaries that we as a community place on ourselves, then my perspective would be different.

While I continue with the angst of looking for love, my focus will shift gears. All this time I have been roaming and idealizing and hoping that I will open the channels of romance as I log on to my dating profile. But, what I forgot to focus on was the building of connections with other like minded gay men-friends with commonality personified. I just joined a social networking group of professional New Yorkers that wish to foster friendships. Will this work? At least it could be a step ahead from the insulated and disingenuous world of online dating. Who knows, perhaps a needle in a haystack could be found.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Freeze Frame

The guy I mentioned-the photographer in Chelsea, finally contacted me over the weekend. "Sorry, so not my type. Best of Luck. P.S. You might want to rethink the photo." I had a difficult time finding a decent picture I preferred. Let's admit it, probably most of us don't like our pictures. During my sophomore year at high school back in Northern Nevada, there was this awkward phase where I thought I looked nerdy. I still do.
Immediately, I went through the iphoto folder and tried to locate one that would deem me more desirable. Nothing. Most of them date back to almost two years ago when my hair was much longer. So, in order to appease the masses, I am on a journey of creating a feasible album which showcases my best features. Brown tresses(hence the subtle gray popping in), a clear complexion and bleached teeth are what I am focusing on.
One of the other issues I am facing is self-esteem and confidence. When I do date, I always think I have to be hyper-masculine, elusive and cool. Call me quirky, but ambivalence plays a role in how I present myself to others.
About an hour ago, I received an interest from Kevin who is a year younger than me. In accordance with ok cupid, we are a 74% match. He is from Kansas and has been here less than a year. Hopefully, his naive nature will remain intact when assessing me without the NY attitude. His profile is so sweet. Oh, how I love those midwestern- boys.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A wink and a smile...

In joining okcupid.com , I have learned something. ALL ONLINE DATING SITES ARE THE SAME! Granted, this is an inner cynic speaking. When signing up for an account, you are prompted to a series of inane questions that provide compatibility with potential suitors -a lot have answered as many 1000 questions. "If someone stole something at work, would you report them" or, "Which is more important-love or passion?" I have only climbed to #49.
I have managed to garner a couple of winks. A smiling face emerges and implies there is an interest from another party. Also, if luck arrives, there is an award for honesty in depicting an accurate profile. Whatever. I already have one, although, I am officially bored after nine days. With the exception of exchanging chat sessions with two men-one in his late forties and the other living in White Plains (too far away), I am leaning towards being discontent, rather than feeling hopeful.
I sent a few messages to a writer in the east village and a photographer in Chelsea. The photo and witty self-description of the latter lured me in. We are both the same age and from the west coast. As I log in semi-daily, I interface with the similar type of seemingly desperate men who are eager to date, but exhibit no action beyond vapid discussions. Perhaps, I need to invest in social networking skills and leave the internet dating concept in the dust.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Online dating: a brave, scary world.

CNN just ran this piece in reference to the perils of online dating. Is this interesting or redundant?


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Stood up!

Being stood up isn’t that bad. O.K. It’s awful. Granted, this is not my first.

I waited over thirty minutes for Ben-a nobody I met online. Seeing as I am not one to show up late for anything, I arrived ten minutes early to scout out digs of the super sexy bar a few blocks from his apartment in the east village. The place sprouted dim lighting, chilled tunes and long, crème velvet drapes. As a design geek, I was right at home. About twenty minutes into the wait, I sipped a twelve-dollar martini while strolling my cellular phone to ensure I had the correct address.

Every time a cutie walked through the door, my stomach sank. Could this be him? Will he take well to me? I didn’t like being nervous or desperate for a man I hardly knew. From our phone discussion on how New York queens are fickle, just a couple of days earlier; I believed this forty-four year old, managing consultant was like me: genuine and looking for love. About half past the hour, I grew worried. After all, it was snowing outside. But, after a long day of work, if I could make it, why wouldn’t he?

I sent him a text around 9:30 p.m. No response for ten minutes. I was prepared to leave when he replied. “Yeah?” Quickly, I sounded off. Um, this is Mark-we made plans for a drink tonight. Nine o’clock. I am here. Where are you? “Oh, right. Mark. Un- uh. What’s up? (Long pause) Yeah, I can’t make it tonight. Sorry man. Reschedule, maybe?” I was fascinated by his callousness and humiliated for feeling like an insecure loser.

A few couples were canoodling in some of the booths when I emerged from my stool. My obsession on how they successfully made it past the first date stopped me. What does a smart, sensitive thirty-five year old have to do in a situation like this? Drink more. Upon the second round, I felt a sense of calm when I replied through an elusive text regarding the tentative rescheduling. “No, thanks. Don’t Bother.”