As a gay man, the dating rules are different. Consciousness of one's self-image is huge. On Avenue A and East 9th, I ran into a guy I dated for about a second, one that I secretly fancied. Calmly he said, "You know the reason why we never hooked up? Insecurity. You just didn't seem like you knew yourself very well. No offense."
He's right. I still don't.
One of the key aspects in cultivating a sucessful relationship with a potential suitor is friendship. I came across a website: http://thegaylovecoach.com/blog/ specifically slated for successful gay partnerships. It offers compelling advice and states friendship as the number one component before something substantial can develop. This is important as I lack strong gay friendships in my own life. If I were able to overcome the superficial boundaries that we as a community place on ourselves, then my perspective would be different.
While I continue with the angst of looking for love, my focus will shift gears. All this time I have been roaming and idealizing and hoping that I will open the channels of romance as I log on to my dating profile. But, what I forgot to focus on was the building of connections with other like minded gay men-friends with commonality personified. I just joined a social networking group of professional New Yorkers that wish to foster friendships. Will this work? At least it could be a step ahead from the insulated and disingenuous world of online dating. Who knows, perhaps a needle in a haystack could be found.