I took a break from this blog for clarity. After I arrived back home in New York from Lisbon, I changed. I am not sure what it was or what this means. International travel has always brought out my inner recluse. There is always that bounty of untapped emotions that spring out of nowhere.
After an intensive therapy session with my therapist two weeks ago, I terminated treatment. We had fought during the session about my attitude. I was torn with anxiety and riddled with guilt. The next day, I sent an email and notified her of my choice. While at times it feels like change is mounting, it seemed that time was incapsulated and that I was reverberating the same things three and half years ago when we first began the patient/therapist relationship. She eventually returned my email and extended an olive branch. She was sad of my decision, yet respected it. And, that I was welcome to return whenever and if ever I chose.
Perhaps it sounds cheesy, but I said goodbye to my favorite show, As The World Turns, on last friday. It was canceled on CBS after fifty-four years. This show was a integral part of my life since childhood. I loved most of the characters on canvas (Katie, Rosanna and Carly especially) and will miss the pacing, the intimacy of the story lines. Just another example of how something just ends.
Actress, Terri Colombino who played Katie on ATWT, gave an insightful interview regarding the exit of the show. She said that if you don't move with the times, you get left behind. That stopped me. As an writer, I can think and observe, but how much?
Sometimes, I wish life were easier for all of us. I would like to reckon with the past, learn and revel in the present. I want to love and laugh and live to my full potential.