lonely lovely city

lonely lovely city

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A random act of kindness

After my journalism class, I walked past this cozy, tiny dessert shop on 10th and second avenue. There are probably four tables at best. I was craving something scrumptious. After having been there for their red velvet cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies, I had to try the warm apple crisp and iced mint tea. I was excited.

I got the last table. And, elected to take out my art book and study nineteenth century interiors. Just when I was settling in, a group of four men came by to the other table which just became available right next to mine. The thing is that these tables are barely designed for two, let alone four burly men. I didn't want to feel cramped. I could see they were from out of town with suitcases and briefcases in tow. So, I simply got up and offered my table. There was already a line forming outside and I decided that I would stand up near the wall-eating my treat there.

The man, who was in his early forties was taken aback by my gesture. I felt it was nothing and shrugged it off. When my dessert was called out, I was about to pay when the man insisted on paying for my tab. I kindly rejected his offer, but he was insistent. He made it his mission. "Look, man. I am paying for it. It's on me. And, thank you. That was very nice for you to do that for my friends. Thanks again."

As I inhaled the remarkable tart, I was shocked. No one has ever done that to me. It was so kind and random and unexpected. I didn't know what to do or say other than to shake his hand and wish them well. I felt so good. It didn't occur to me that a stranger could be so reciprocal in his generosity. That has never happened to me in my ten years of living here in New York City. Chivalry is alive and well in Gotham.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

An education...

I came across this piece about the rising costs of a college education. I found it jarring. It states the most graduates are unable to locate work. What a shocker. Ironically, it also stated that the area with the most indebted students are in the northeast. The west- my original home of origin-was the least affected region. No matter where I turn, remnants of the recession keep creeping in.

What I can't stand about going online is reading pessimistic dribble. I am not sure if it is meant to intimidate the average person or pressure one to not pursue an education. I am simply irritated about the misconceptions.

The price of my education at The New School is staggering. At the end of my tenure, I will probably be over $40,000 in debt. Whatever. I am honored to be a part of such an institution. It is an amazing place. I have formed good friendships there and have gained a newfound knowledge about the world.

I elected to go back to school in my thirties because I craved more. I struggled a long time and wanted something different. I am not sure what it is, but the idea of having an education is something that's crucial-no matter where you attend or what you study. It just feels necessary to me. When I was younger, I lacked maturity and discipline. My first year of college at the University of Nevada was dreadful. I wanted to be independent and see the world. That is why I chose my school. It caters to a progressive mindset and affords the freedom to be creative and original, while being rooted in an academically rigorous environment.

Whatever the costs will be, I am half way done. Only 46 credits to go till my BA is completed. I think that if one wants to have an education, it should be extended to them.

In the end, I will probably have issues finding a career that I want in a shitty economy that seems to be standing still. The conundrum is that you are screwed if you don't have an education, but screwed if you do. No matter where you are, it is all about what you want out of life and what you are willing to do to go after it-despite negativity from others.

In choosing to march ahead, I hope that the recession will cease and the optimism can triumph. Sounds a bit zealous, but oh well...I am an aquarian-I am an independent thinker and dreamer-it's part of my DNA.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Fall is awesome...

I am starting to ponder about new beginnings. New beginnings in the way I chose to live my life. One of the many reasons I love Fall is the changing of colors and the crisp, autumn air. I love everything about it: Pumpkins, Candy, Halloween, Warm Apple Cider, and Thanksgiving. Fall signifies contemplation-what to do next. It illustrates how things do change and how beautiful it can be if you stop and look. Without sounding trite, I am embarking on a different way I conduct my personal relationships.

Lately, my attitude has squandered. Sometimes it's upbeat, and others, it's downright petulant. The secret I am learning is balance. Whether or not I connect with a loved one it is my responsibility to bring new people into my life that are worth having around. It is my obligation to make life what it is. I am in the driver's seat.

Many light bulbs are clicking. In order to mitigate loneliness here in Gotham, I must surrender the remnants of the past and the people that were in it. I always think those people that were in my life would stick around and remain hinged. Wrong answer. People move on and often surrender ties. Part of my transformation in moving into another apartment in Manhattan was to expand a social circle. While full-time work and school schedules have been relentless, it's no excuse. I have to take the time to let others in.

I was going to use the word hate to describe something just now, but chose against it. Hate is too strong of a word. I dislike when people I truly care about and love don't reciprocate. Basically it sucks. But stewing in a web of harmful emotions is futile.

Fall is truly grand in New York. It provides such solace. I love walking past Tompkins Park near my apartment and seeing the bright yellows and subtle reds. I love to hear the silence of the wind. It takes me back to a simpler time when I was a kid, growing up in Carson City, Nevada and how the fall there was so memorable and idealistic. While I consider a majority of my childhood to be gut-wrenching, I will always remember the time of year when school resumed and I would pick out Halloween costumes with my mother and brother at the local drugstore. It was one the periods of my childhood where I would feel connected to them. She took great pride in that Holiday and made everything so special. We would decorate the porch with pumpkins and witches. We would watch scary movies and eat gobs of Twizlers, Hot Tamales and Kit Kats. I miss that. And, I miss them.

I do believe that the seasons and climate have an impact on your lifestyle. Since I live in one of the greatest cities on earth (next to Paris of course), I am adopting a new mentality in the way I meet others. It's nothing concrete, but it's a start. This is my favorite time of year and I am not wasting a single moment. Who knows? Perhaps a boyfriend might just be around in the immanent future.