lonely lovely city

lonely lovely city

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Enough of reality...

For the few that read this blog, you might be aware that the last posting pertained to my cancelation of cable service. So far, so good. I know it sounds weird, but I feel lighter. I do. I also feel smarter knowing that I am saving money for more important things, hence tuition and travel. But, it is this world of reality that still haunts my dreams.

When I read articles online, I stumble upon reality stars committing suicide, reality stars branding themselves stars, new reality shows being slated to appear in the fall, and yes, you guessed it, reality stars being offered money to appear in endorsements while some are offered money not to wear their products in fear that revenue might waiver if they are seen in public wearing them. What is my point? Enough is enough. What has happened to this world?

Last night, I read an article about a british newlywed who was torn apart to death in southern Atlantic by a shark as his wife watched. Then, to add fire to sadness, I read an article about a woman who savagely chose to circumcise her son with a box cutter in Oregon because the Bible inspired her to do so. Lastly, I read a piece on the Huffington Post about Michelle Bachman. Apparently, the gay hating, evangelical troll is the lead for the GOP candidacy in the 2012 presidential race. While I realize Obama might not be in the best place, thankfully, he is not her. Who would want to be?

The thought of her standing in the oval office, rendering orders while personally deprogramming all the gays in the world is too much. I want to it all to go away. Her. The reality television movement. And, this pulsating, relentless life force of stardom and perfection and beauty. You can't even read something that isn't aligned with the economy, which experts predict could lead to a twenty year depression, if not a five-year recession. That's weird, I thought we were already in one???

I wish there wasn't so much pain, hardship, anguish, hatred, cruelty, ignorance, homophobia, racism, and barbaric redemption. It seems that a majority of what I read is heartbreaking. No, I take that back. I can't find a word to articulate the misery and carnage in this universe right now.

Most of the time, I battle with struggling to be a optimist. I want to believe in the good in this world and in others. I want to go online and read something uplifting and romantic and ideal where anything possible, a shred of deliciousness can happen. I almost want to cancel my internet service for fear if I read something more dreadful, I might just cringe and freeze with utter shock.

All of the latter makes me want to appreciate what I have and all that I am. Life is pain. Life is uncertain and cruel. And, life is unknown and beautiful and short lived. So, I am going to try and live more in this lovely city that I call home. Spend more time with the people that matter most. And to say I how much I appreciate their contributions and unconditional love and acceptance. Then, I am going to dip my foot into the cold water and experience change like I've never had before.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I did it!

I did it. Finally. For the first time in my adult life, I proudly returned my cable box to Time Warner. Supposedly, I've reached a higher pinnacle. Yes, it seems silly to write about such a small feat. But, I feel compelled to post because I feel lighter, and enlightened. My main reason: money and lack of time.

After spending almost $150 a month for more years than I care to admit, something dawned on me. Why was I exhausting myself financially to pay for something when I barely used it? I never took advantage of the three hundred channels with the umpteen reality and self-improvement shows that were enough to make me gag. (Bravo, E! and Style...take a hike)

When you work a full-time job as I do, accompanied with a full-time school schedule, not to mention my own writing, which has for awhile been infrequent, I couldn't envision spending a wad of cash for something that has offers little fulfillment. A majority of the shows that I used to see religiously have either been canceled, given an extended hiatus, transfered online, or produced so horribly, that I can't bare to watch.

There are only a handful of shows I care about: Mad Men, Being Human, and True Blood. Oh, let's not forget Gossip Girl. Aside from the latter and NY1, why bother? I need to make more allotments for the things that matter, hence sleep, writing, studying, reading, and more of a personal life.

Some time ago, a friend of mine did the same thing when she returned her cable set, realizing what an astonishing improvement it created. She spent more time with her child, wrote a lot more, saw the city more on foot, and saved over $1200 a year. A total no-brainer.

Unless one is encumbered by what others are doing with their lives or what else is wrong with the world, what is the point? All due respect to those who enjoy the endless choices of viewing consumption. But, it just isn't my thing anymore.

Television has changed for the worst. Gone are the talented actors that graced the small screen and hello to the wannabe reality trolls who think they are stars. I've grown to resent television in excess because it occupies too much wasted energy. There are still decent shows to be seen and enjoyed. But, the way in which we watch television has vastly shifted.

I am a little scared, if not allusively naked, knowing that I can't just turn it on in the middle of night and turn my brain off in banality. I still have Netflix, my dashing iPod, internet radio, and Blue Ray's. I am curious to see if this newfound project will go off without a hitch and transform to a constant in my small, waking existence. I suppose at the end of the day, it's one less concern I have to worry about.

If I find myself craving the comfort of nothingness, I will go online and just look at my bank statements and realize the money in pocket, or even refer to the additional pages of my upcoming memoirs saved on word documents. This is one of the oddest, most gratifying choices I've made recently. Isn't it weird how the small changes make the biggest difference?